


☾ the four letter word got stuck in my head;

by miffou



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Fluff, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:21:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24354247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miffou/pseuds/miffou
Summary: Short drabbles of colliding, breaking, and mending of hearts. Neutral first person POV (alternatively from Soonyoung or Jihoon).[☾ 1] the dirtiest word that I've ever said. (you x jihoon, angst)[☾ 2] can I tell you a secret? (you x soonyoung, fluff)
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Reader, Lee Jihoon | Woozi/Reader
Kudos: 11





	1. ☾ the dirtiest word that I've ever said.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was all good until one of us catches feelings. Now, it means too much - a little too much that the perfection that we had once has to come to an end."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst drabble of you x jihoon, or soonhoon from hosh's pov.
> 
> inspired from the song 'For What It's Worth' by The Cardigans.
> 
> listen as you read: [youtube](https://youtu.be/01_RTOD9hYc) // [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/1Pob3vUqjFAR5cFjnoxUkW?si=FHNxZGkyQM-KT0abMbQ_UA)

//  
♪ The four letter word got stuck in my head  
The dirtiest word that I've ever said  
It's making me feel alright ♪  
//

"You're daydreaming."

The clouds in my mind starts to dissolve upon hearing Jihoon's soft string of words. His slender finger is tracing my forehead. Tip of nose. Cupid's bow.

"Yeah, I guess I am."

I open my eyes to the early morning sun penetrating through the thin, white curtain. The ray falls on the grey blanket enveloping two clothless bodies with their own warmth.

I shift closer to his embrace, planting my right cheek beside his shoulder. A whiff of his body scent intoxicates my brain ever so slowly. The way I like it.

He brings his finger back to my forehead, now drawing circles. Small circles, big circles. Over and over.

"What's on your mind right now?"

_What's on my mind?_

You, lately.

It's full with thoughts of you. All of you. The thought of having all of you for me. The thought of seeing your delicate face every morning until our hair turns grey. The thought of crossing the line we sketched, painted, and framed ourselves.

The very idea entertains me, gets me high every time. The kind of false high I don't want to get off of.

_Is this what it feels like?_

//  
♪ For what it's worth, I love you  
And what is worse, I really do  
What is worse, I'm gonna run run run  
'Til the sweetness gets to you  
And what is worse, I really do ♪  
//

"Why are you here?"

I reply with heavy breaths, my body panting from the strain it's put through. My body is leaning on the door frame to support my wobbly legs.

"You- sounded- really off- on the phone..."

"I did?" Jihoon says as he approaches me. His tired face is strangely unreadable, today - _is he glad to see me, or is my presence unwelcome?_

"We weren't supposed to meet today."

"...I know." I take deep breaths as we both fall silent.

He runs his fingers through his hair before saying, "Why did you come here?"

"Do you want me to leave?"

To my somber whisper, his eyes turn dark. My eyes start to sting. I am sure my company is unwanted, so I turn my heel to leave the space. Just then, my arm is yanked from behind, spinning me back to face his direction.

His grasp on my forearm start to hurt. I wince, both from physical and emotional pain.

After what feels like an eternity, he loosens his grip and tugs me closer. He brings his two hands to my cheeks. I bring mine upon his to stop his shivering.

"You can't do this to me."

Before a word can escape my mouth, he crushes his lips against mine. Hard. My cheekbones start to dampen, but from whose tears?

//  
♪ Hey please baby come back  
There'll be no more loving attack  
And I'll be keeping it cool tonight  
The four letter word is out of my head  
Come on around get back in my bed  
Keep making me feel alright ♪  
//

"Tell me you're joking."

_Joking? This feeling, that I've had for so long?_

_For you?_

"What, you thought it was real?" I give a fake scoff as I clench my sweaty hands. "You're losing your edge lately."

"You're a bad liar."

"Why would I lie to you?"

_To keep you from leaving?_

"I'm leaving," he says as he jumps out from bed.

"What?" I say as I sit up, watching him collect his clothes from the floor. "But you don't have anywhere to go until 8."

"See? You never used to question when and where I'm going."

"I'm not saying you ca-"

"Your feelings are catching up on you. This is exactly why we have rules. The exact ones you keep breaking."

Fully clothed, he reaches for his phone and bag, ready to leave.

_I don't want him to leave._

"...Sorry."

"For what?"

"For breaking our promises. I...promise I won't do it again."

"The moment you do, I'll leave without turning back." Jihoon says as he heads out through the bedroom door, leaving me with a sore, throbbing feeling in the pit of my stomach.

//  
♪ For what it's worth, I like you  
And what is worse, I really do  
Things have been worse  
And we had fun fun fun  
'Till I said I love you  
And what is worse, I really do ♪  
//

It doesn't matter anymore.

What I feel, what he feels. Our encounters are bound by rules, lines, and restraints.

It never was supposed to be anything more than the perfection we've built for so long.

Meet-ups twice a week.

No phone calls, no messages, no surprise visits.

To not acknowledge the existence of this relationship outside of the bedroom.

To never, ever, ever, ever, think to mention anything beyond the physicals.

If loving him means losing him,

it doesn't matter anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first attempt at short drabbles. (might or might not have written this in tears who knows really)
> 
> (come [say hi](https://twitter.com/miffou))


	2. can I tell you a secret? ☾

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I used to think I am undeserving of love. Fickle, fragile, full of emotions I can't handle. But you melted it all away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluffy!! drabble of you x soonyoung, or soonhoon from uji's pov.
> 
> inspired from the song 'Plastic' by Moses Sumney.
> 
> listen as you read: [youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpvBlhdrqz8) // [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/18gcopzbu2DjQjR2DI5pE8?si=Ig2YUAHGRSa1Kfkmfpjugg)

♪ I know what it is to be broken and be bold  
Tell you that my silver is gold  
Though we're much too old for make believe  
And I know what it's like to behold and not be held ♪

"Can I tell you something?"

"Tell me everything."

"I adore the way you love."

"Not me as a person?"

"You know the answer to that."

Soonyoung chuckles. You hear crinkling noise as he lays on the plastic mat beside you.

"What made you say that?" He asks.

You furrow your brows, thinking of the right words to say.

Suddenly, you felt warmth at the crown of your head. Soonyoung starts massaging your scalp. His touch stops you from overthinking as it always does.

You turn your head to your left, Soonyoung's hand still on your head. He smiled at you. The sight feels wonderful, almost cathartic.

"I like how easy you made things seem," you decide to start with. "Even when I know full well that it is not easy for you too. But the way you.."

You shift your gaze back towards the night sky. Soonyoung withdraws his hand.

"The way you are excited, but takes it slow at the same time. Reckless, but also grounded. The way you are able to give space, but still make sure the other person knows how much they mean to you. Just.. the way you do it all."

Your right hand travels to touch the grass beside you. You feel the damp soil with the tip of your fingers. The comforting smell of rain is still lingering in the air. You take it all in.

Soonyoung's hand brushes against your jeans, his way of telling you to go on.

"It's somewhat... daunting. The concept of love, right? Just the thought of it used to turn me into a goo. A doubtful pile of goo. Thinking I probably would not be able to have what other people have. Love that is whole and reciprocated."

"Then I came into your life."

"That you did." You laughed. "You inserted yourself into the pages of my book."

"And you became my whole library."

♪ You caught me  
Shooting cross the sky like a star  
But nobody told me  
To never let it get too far ♪

"It took some time, didn't it?"

Soonyoung rolls around towards you. His skin grazes against yours, sending tiny jolts throughout your body. He copies you and fiddles with the grass in front of him.

"You were just being cautious. It's the right thing to do," Soonyoung says. "You need to protect yourself from potential assholes like me."

To his words, you turn to Soonyoung's direction, prompting him to do the same. You give him a look. He chuckles in response.

"To be honest, at that point, I didn't know what I wanted in relationship." Soonyoung plucks a dead grass leaf from the ground and collects it in his hand. "I just knew that if I liked someone, I needed to show them how I feel. Just that. But from you, I learned that for some people, it's about devoting yourself to that one person. Showing loyalty. Being sincere... Though I'm pretty much always sincere to you since day one."

You let out a hum before saying, "I was just being cautious. Your words."

"My words."

"It took me a while to understand you. And I'm glad to have done that."

"I'm glad you did."

You can hear a smile through those words.

♪ You see my silhouette  
So you're standing scared of me  
Can I tell you a secret?  
My wings are made of plastic  
My wings are made up  
And so am I ♪

Satisfied with his modest collection of dead leaves, Soonyoung places them neatly on the mat. He sits up and looks at you from above, the dark sky speckled with twinkles in the background turns your sight into the most beautiful painting.

"Are you happy with the way things are right now?" He asks.

"Hmm, you tell me." You shoot him a playful gaze. He hums in delight.

"You are. And will be even happier in the future, day by day. And I will be there to make sure it comes true."

You beam at Soonyoung's words. He stares at you fondly.

"See. Just like that. Showing the world the most beautiful look on planet Earth."

"Stop," you say as you grab the dead leaves and throw them at Soonyoung. A leaf ends up sticking to his face, prompting a laugh from you.

He picks the brown leaf up and stares at it.

"I hope what we have now will never wilt. Like a plastic grass. Green and existing forever."

"But artificial?"

"Imitating life, perfectly melded together."

"You're weird."

"That's a secret. Don't tell anyone." Soonyoung says with a finger in front of his mouth.

"Can I tell you my secret?"

Soonyoung feigns pondering and says, "Sure, but only if it's about me."

You sit up.

"In my eyes, plastics are.. fragile. Weak, compared to wood or steel, obviously."

"Really?" Soonyoung shoots you a confused look. "But why?"

"I.. don't know why. I used to feel like I'm made of plastic. Fickle as hell. That I would melt if I soar too close to the sun," you say. "I used to think you were like the sun."

You stare at each other in short silence.

"But as I was gravitating towards you, I realised what had melted was not my whole being, but the layers that had built up through time. The layers I didn't know were there."

Feeling bittersweet, you force a smile.

"And so, it left me bare and allows me to warm up to you. Turns out, I'm capable of it all. Of giving and receiving love. And.. I still think you're the sun. My sun."

Soonyoung's eyes light up.

"Yet you're the blinding one."

"I only reflect back from what's shining upon me," you reply. "I'm so thankful to have you in my life."

Soonyoung moves forward and brushes the tear on your face. "I'm more thankful, for everything you've done for me. For being there for me through ups and downs. For saying yes to all of my stupid requests, including stargazing in the cold at 2am in the morning."

You let out a sniff and scoots closer to Soonyoung. You bury your head into his chest and feel your freezing face melting.

"It's not cold if we do this."

Soonyoung smiles and hugs you tight.

"Now, stop tearing up or you'll make your sun cry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> attempting to write a long story is exhausting so I deviated and wrote this short piece to get it going
> 
> (come [say hi](https://twitter.com/miffou))


End file.
